I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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