Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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