tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
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