He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Duck Duck Cougar?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
