I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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