I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
