Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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