dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Randomize
