remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
