I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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