3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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