so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
