maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
