not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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