Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
