He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
