really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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