Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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