I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
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