I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
