Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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