Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
