sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
