what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
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