I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
