Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
