im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Randomize
