Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
