dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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