Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
