Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
