another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
