you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
