i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
