The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
