Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
