im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Floor bacon is actually really good
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
