Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
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