Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
