There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
