he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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