The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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