Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
