Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Randomize
