good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
and you fell through a lawn chair
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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