they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
