I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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