Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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