there's paper in my vomit.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize
