im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
