Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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