I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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