Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
