Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
