So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
