Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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