I think i sorta joined a cult last night
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
