dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
