There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
