I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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