a queef is a wish your heart makes.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
