you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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