i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
