Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
