what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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