I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
