shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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