I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
